Things you hear yourself say; stressed out crazy version!

I made a short list of mommy-isms a while back, but thought I should revisit that theme with a crazy, stressed out version (but wait. Isn't that the definition of being a mom??).

Anyway, there are times where you catch yourself saying something that in ANY other circumstance would make no sense at all. Example?

Ugh! Why couldn't he have just been shot in the head?!

Don't worry, Hubs is safe, and I'm not about to be featured on the latest episode of Snapped. This was actually said about a friend's H. He was injured in a helicopter crash while serving our country in Afghanistan in early 2007. He's a rock star who has been fighting his way out of a coma with the help of his awesomesauce wife (Ry). Anyway, I was visiting with Ry and her hubs when a guy walked down the hall. Ry explained that Guy had been shot in the head about two months prior, and was getting ready to be released. We looked at her Hubs, who still had all portions of his brain, and I sighed, then said the above phrase and had to laugh! (Side note: Ry and her Hubs are getting ready to move into their new home! We are so excited for them and hope they settle into their new normal easily! You rock, Ry and S)!

As you can imagine, being told you are going to move to a new town in about 6 weeks can be a tad stressful. I can't do much from here besides stalk the MLS website, so that's what I've been doing. I have the area where I think we want to live because of schools, so I find one in our price range, stare at all of the photos, study the sales history, google map street view the address and "walk" around the neighborhood, then get directions from the house to various places I think I'll be going on a weekly basis.

Last week, while Hubs was out of town, I watched The Lovely Bones. I read the book a few years ago, so I knew what was going to happen, but my heart was still racing and by the end of the movie, I was looking up every sexual predator in our zip code and thinking about putting both kids in our bed. When Hubs got home, we were sitting around the fire pit with the neighbors and Hubs was talking about a neighborhood that he really liked while he was driving around, so I started focusing on that area in my stalking.

I found TWO great houses! One the realtor had sent us before and the other, I found. They were cute, great yards, waking distance from a really nice church and one was on a cul de sac! I emailed Realtor to get some more information about the houses and started "walking around" the 'hood.

Then it hit me that I hadn't checked for sexual predators in that neighborhood yet, so I did a quick search using my favorite house. Here is what I found:

Ok, yes, this is actually a before picture from Proactiv, but have you looked at the sexual predator's map of Florida?! Geeze!

And there was a big, red dot practically on top of "my" house. Not wanting to write off the house just yet, I clicked on the dot. I mean, if it's a guy who was 19 and convicted of having sex with a 17 year-old, that's not going to bother me as much. That could be more angry girl parents than sexual predator.

Yeah! This could still work! This house is going to be ok!

And then the page loaded.

POSS OF PHOTO/PICTURE SHOWING SEXUAL PERFORMANCE BY A CHILD

Um. No.

Followed by:

Produce Direct Promote Sexual Perform. by Child

Um. HECK NO!

Just then, my inbox dinged. Realtor sent more information on said house and noted:

I've shown this house before the only real negative is that the pool takes up most of the backyard and there are lots of trees in the yard therefore making the pool a maintenance issue.

I emailed her back, "Also negative? There's a child molester living 6 houses down."

So that one was out. I then pulled the address from the other house in the neighborhood.

It was across the street from the guy I just typed about. AHHHHHH!!

I looked around the neighborhood figuring there had to be something. And I found:

* Lewd or lascivious conduct victim under 16 years old

* Use Internet to solicit/attempt solicit etc. a child for sex/lewdness etc

* Lewd or lascivious molestation victim 12-15 years old offender 18 or older

* Unlawful Sexual Activity with Certain Minors

* Lewd or lascivious battery victim 12-15 years old

* POSS OF PHOTO/PICTURE SHOWING SEXUAL PERFORMANCE BY A CHILD

This was all in the same neighborhood.

I shook my head, stared at the computer and said, "Oh why couldn't you just be rapists!"

Needless to say, the house hunting continues.