Things you hear yourself say as a mother Part 1

I label this part 1 because I am sure there will be more sometime soon.  These are just a few of the gems I've caught myself saying since becoming a mom:

• It's oatmeal, not hair gel
• Please don't stand in the refrigerator 
• No table dancing
• I know your panties are cute, but please keep your dress down
• Don't ride the dog
• Don't eat the dog's food
• please don't wash your face in the dog's water bowl
• Yay for poop!
• Jesus can still see you pick your nose, even if you're under a blanket!