Friday, October 31, 2008
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
I had this:
My mother. Or as the kids call her, "Ma," but she will be now know as MA-gellan. The MA-gellan is a unique navigation tool. Instead of the little green line leading the way, the MA-gellan makes small talk about how bad the traffic is going the other way.
"Glad we're not going south!"
"Well, mom it's probably people going into work"
"No, it's always like this"
"No really. The last time your father and I were going this way... why were we here, I guess it was your brother's graduation or maybe his birthday, yeah, it was his birthday OH! Did I tell you where we had dinner, it was so good..... (20 minutes later) Anyway, we were driving back this way and the traffic was horrible. Always horrible southbound."
"Ok, mom. That does it."
"We are NEVER coming home to visit."
"If traffic is always this bad southbound, I will never drive home. You have only yourself to blame."
But aside from random conversation, MA-gellan also has a special alert function. Not when you need to exit, but anytime there is a change in traffic. Lane ends, traffic merge, interstate crosses, interstate splits, which as you can imagine on a 700 mile trip happens quite a few times. MA-gellan will let you know.
Sign appears that the road we are on is about to split off into a different interstate going another direction. I see this, but know we stay on this road for another state. But MA-gellan is on the case.
"oOOOOO K, let's see. What's going on here. Ok do you see that? The road is splitting. OK, what way hmmm ok, umm well.."
"We stay left MA-gellan"
"Well it looks like you have to go right in this lane. Look at the sign ok, 1,2,3 right lanes must exit right are we going right? I thought you said we stay left. What lane are we in? Is this going to make us go left we want North, is this north? That one said East, but is it really North?
"We're fine, we stay left."
"Ok, let's see umm ok oh! We stayed left in this lane! You were right! Ha!"
My MA-Gellan also has a built-in car sensor that would alert MA-gellan if you hit the rumble strip a little which would alert her to scream, "What are you doing?! Let me do that! You just drive! I can get the kids juice!"
Not the shortest trip ever.
Oh, and since this is supposed to be a kid related blog, here's a nugget from Strip.
In her previous school, there was a little girl who spoke no English. Only Spanish. I took French and Italian, so I don't know much, but I have picked up a few things thanks to my pals Manny, Dora and Diego. So I would tell Strip that "_____ is the Spanish word for _____" whenever I could.
Fast forward to the big drive. Strip would just make up random words and say, "Yeah that's the Spanish word for playing." She was always wrong, but E for Effort, right? So MA-Gellan are discussing how, once again, we stay in this lane and follow this road when Strip pipes up from the backseat, "Mommy. You are 'irritated.'" I look at Ma and we giggle, so I ask for clarification. I'm what?
"You are 'irritated.' That's the Spanish word for 'driving.'"
Well, get use to it, Strip, because Mommy is going to be irritated for about 5 more hours!
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Everyone should get pregnant. Seriously. You have some of the greatest, craziest dreams when you are pregnant. I think my new "Congratulations on your pregnancy" gift is going to be a legal pad and a Bic pen because you have phenomenal dreams when pregnant and the only way to remember them is to write them down.
When I was pregnant with Strip, I had a dream that she was born fully clothed, with jewelry. Frilly dress, bonnet, hoop earrings, gold bangle bracelet, everything. And to make this odd dream even odder, the nurse announced, "The doctor's not in here! Put her back in!" And they did.
But just when I thought dreams couldn't get any odder, I found myself buying a house 4 states away (where my husband was living) while I was working, taking care of 2 kids and trying to sell current house in one of the worst possible markets ever. That lends itself to some freaky-weird dreams!
Exhibit A: In real life, I have a friend who works for Disney. She is engaged, and they are getting married at Disney. Yay! So between the stress of before mentioned life and knowing that I was going to Disney with the fam, the following dream took place.
I was asked to sing at friend's wedding. But for some reason, there were no rehearsals and no one ever told me what I would be singing. I show up that day and find out that I and another (male)friend who also works for the mouse, will be singing a duet at the reception. Ok, no problem. Then I find out what. The bride and groom have requested that we sing the first dance, Beauty and the Beast, but instead of the Disney lyrics, we are to sing, "Tale as old as time, song as old as rhyme, Nicole and Colin!" And for a little icing on the cake, the bride's dress was an exact replica of Belle's dress, only white and the groom looked like the beast, but dipped in white, too. Odd.
Latest example would be the new house purchase. Strip and I flew up to house hunt, and our fantastic realtor showed us so many houses. We were super excited to find the perfect house on the last day, last house we saw. Yay! We're done! Offer accepted and it's ours. Well, being a few states away, and not being able to drive by the house all the time, I started over thinking it. Was there a pantry? What did the fence look like again? Is it really a good neighborhood? What did the closets look like...
I decided that house hunting and wedding dress shopping were the same -- you look at a ton, order the perfect one, stress out about what it looked like until your fitting, then realize it's even better than you remembered. So I'm feeling a little better. Then I have a dream.
Me, husband, Nugget, Strip, my parents, my brother and brother's girlfriend are all in our new city to celebrate the move. Our realtor is with us, but it's not really our realtor here, it's our craptastic realtor from Florida. For some reason, we decide to all go look at one of our reject houses before going to our real house. Well, reject house is perfect. The lot is awesome, the floors are great, brand new carpet, awesome appliances, master bedroom was down stairs, there was a finished (huge) basement AND a playroom upstairs for the kids along with 2 guestrooms. It was great. Starting to worry, I look at our realtor and say, "Wow. This one is better than I remembered. Why didn't we get this one?" and his response was "well, it didn't have a pantry, so I took it off the list."
WHAT?!?!?! This house was freaking perfect! It even had a laundry chute! A pantry is NOT a deal breaker what the heck is wrong with you?!?! He assured me that even though our house didn't have enough bedrooms, a basement and had a detached garage, the pantry was awesome.
Ugh. I hope this is not foreshadowing.
Monday, October 20, 2008
I hopped out of bed at 5 am and slipped into my jeans. As I did the hip-wiggle buttoning of my pants, I made the mental note to drink more water. The day before I spent downing Sprite and thought I didn't need anymore liquid calories. Dropped off Strip at a friends and Nugget and I headed back to the house for the final day of packing and loading.
Around 3 pm, I was feeling like I needed a nap. Not wanting to snooze while three strange men were around, I figured the next best thing would be to hit the fridge/freezer. After all, in the next 24 hours, it was all going to hit the garbage or the neighbors' house so I might as well. Nothing in the fridge, but I did spy a carton of Java Chip ice cream. Score! Coffee, ice cream and chocolate, Hooray!! I grabbed a baby spoon out of the sink and popped the top, just as mover guy #2 walked in the kitchen. He gave me a little look, so I said,
"Hey, I just have to toss it tomorrow, right? Might as well enjoy a little first!"
Mover #2 looks me right in the eye and says, "A taste on the lips is a lifetime on the hips."
Wow. I stood there stunned. Everything within me was screaming. Screaming irrational, stupid things. Things like, "If you think I'm fat now, you should have seen me pregnant with my daughter. I gained a good 50+ pounds!" and "Hey, buddy, I've had 2 kids and these jeans are a size 6! SIX! I will take them off right now and show you the tag!" But I said nothing. Not. A. Thing. By this point he wandered off, so I proceeded to follow him around the house, eating more ice cream than I really intended. Later he was looking for a screwdriver, and when I handed it to him, he said "Thank you." I wanted to say, "I should be stabbing you in the face for that comment," but I just said you're welcome.
Fast Forward to 6:30 pm.
Pick up Strip from the friend who, bless her heart, took care of her for 11 hours. I was hungry, Nugget was hungry and everything we owned was either in a box or on a truck, so we stopped at a new burger place for dinner. SO tired, I was holding Nugget with my hip/belly poked out to compensate for the added weight of holding him. Strip reaches up to tell me something and taps my stomach. She then looks up and says,
"You have a nice tummy, mommy!"
Yes! Confidence is coming back! I DO have a nice tummy, don't I?
About to thank Strip when she finishes the thought by whispering:
Strip: "Is there a baby coming?"
Me: in disbelief "WHAT??"
Strip: "Is there a baby coming?"
Me: No, but I think there is a gym membership coming.
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Ours has this:
Yup. 4 jars of pickles. And if you count relish as being in the pickle family, you have this:
That's just nuts. I don't eat pickles. I don't like pickles. The kids don't eat pickles. One pickle-eater should not equal that many jars. So I know you are just dying to see what else is in there. Well, here ya go ....
If you can't see it that well, in the door of the refrigerator we had
- 2 jars of A1 (I know why it was BOGO free)
- 7 different types of salad dressing (the last time we had salad I made the dressing, and not from any of those)
- 4 random seasoning sauces
- the above mentioned pickles and relish
- 2 types of mayo
- 3 types of mustard
- 1 ketchup
- 1 jar of marmalade
We are in the process of buying a fridge for the new place and I'm thinking we can downsize. If we can keep our condiment addiction under control, we might be fine with a mini-fridge. I hate to throw it away, so I think I'm going to have a dinner party. All of the above will be served with the 5 different kinds of beer that have taken up residences in the garage fridge. Please R.S.V.P.
Monday, October 6, 2008
Because it never fails that a rainy day will come along, and with nothing to eat and not wanting to drag kids to the store, I call Papa. Why? Because I think it will be easy to order a pizza. It never is. Something always gets messed up and Papa apparently never heard a little something called the customer is always right. Because of their screw-ups, they so sweetly gave me a coupon good for a FREE 2 liter bottle of coke. Get excited!
We closed on our new house today, so I thought, What the heck! Live a little! Order the pizza and get yourself that FREE bottle! You deserve it.
So I call, place the order, tell the gal that I want the special Tuscan cheese pizza for $12.99. Then I tell her about my coupon. She gets my info and and tells me my total is $19.97.
I remind her about my bad experience coupon, and she says,
You start by getting to carry this sweet number out of the doctor's office:
Nice! Then, on your lucky day, you wake up, pee and the fun begins. For the next 24 hours, you get to collect every drop of gold in this nifty container. But where do you keep that thing? I hear you asking.
In the fridge. Yup. Don't confuse it with the orange juice. The first time Husband got to experience the joy of a "24" was when I was about 3 months pregnant with Strip. When I filled him in, he said, "Seriously? We have to keep pee in our refrigerator. That is disgusting." My response... we are about to have a baby. This is not gross, this is the tip of the iceberg.
So this isn't as much gross anymore as it is inconvenient. I had to do an emergency 24 on Friday, so mix in unloading pumpkins with the above instructions, and you can imagine what a fun day it was. Anyway, on to my point.
So, after completing your mission, you then get to take the above pictured, full, back into a lab where they draw a couple of vials of blood and you get to pee (again) in a cup. This is all very routine. No problems there. My only problem -- I started this on a Friday which means I had to go to the only Saturday lab. Strip had a fun morning at church planned, so it was just me and Nugget. We arrive at 11:30. Lab closes at 12, so I'm good. I was wrong.
Me: signs in at the desk while juggling stroller with hungry, cranky toddler, insurance card and a full jug.
Lab tech: Do you have a specimen to drop off?
Me: nooooo this is my water bottle. I just like the color Yes. (smiles and hands the nice man a jug of urine). Must be your lucky day!
Lab tech: looks totally confused. Reads the label, reads the order. Still looks confused. Ummmmm where did you get this?
Me: pointing to the large sticker that proudly displays this labs' name From the lab.
Lab tech: Well, was there anything in it when you picked it up?
Seriously?!?! This is not going to be good.
Me: nope. Just air.
Lab tech: Ok. Umm. have a seat we'll be with you in a minute.
I sit. One minute turns to 27. I hear another tech joyfully say, "Woo hoo! I'm locking the door!" as she skips out to the waiting area. Where I am sitting. With a VERY cranky toddler. She looks at me. There is NO ONE else in the lab not wearing scrubs. So her question:
new tech: Are you here for lab work?
nt: Oh, did you want it done at 12?
Me: Or now. Whatever is easier.
NT: oh! Ok sit tight! I'll find your stuff.
Fantastic. She then comes out and says she noticed on my orders that I brought in a specimen. Do you still have it? Nope, turned it in. Well, where is it? Uh, I'm not sure. I don't work here.
All I can think is they've lost my pee and I'm going to have to do this all over again. Good news they find the jug. And it's my turn. Yay.
Follow NT back to the back where I sit and show her the good vein. She strikes up a conversation about binkies. I make a comment about how when Nugget was in the NICU, they really wanted them to have a binkie. NT looks at me and says, "NICU? What's that?" Ok, you now have a needle in your hand and that scares me. I thought any nurse would know what a NICU was. Wow. So I explain. She draws my blood and says, "You're all set!"
Me: No, I'm not
Me: I need to give you a urine sample.
NT: Nooooo you brought one in.
Me:Right, but that was a 24 hr one. I need to give you another one now.
NT: Hmmmm grabs the chart and reads
She then looks me right in the eye and says, "Oh, yeah well, we normally just skim a little off the top for that." Ok. First, that's gross. Second, that's wrong. So I say that I've done these a million times and this is how it goes, yadda yadda yah. NT finally tells me, "Fine, if you really want to." and hands me not a sterile cup with a lid, but a dixie cup with the lab's name stamped on the side. Wow. This is going to be fun trying to balance while pushing a stroller. So I bring it back to her and I say, "Thanks! Have a great weekend," and NT says, "You too! And hey, you were right!"
Wow. I really think she should have taken one more vial of blood, too so I have a good feeling that another brown jug will be in my future this week. The good news? I won't have to go to the Saturday lab.
Saturday, October 4, 2008
soggy. Bath time just got a little longer, and that bottle of wine is going to get a little more chilled.
So, after having kids, this phrase is used MUCH more. Funny stories, the things they say, when they got teeth, whenever I told my mom, it was "Oh! Write that down, you'll forget it." Well, Mom, you were right (GASP!!). I'm forgetting the funny/scary/sad/gross moments of motherhood. So I'm writing them down here.
Why the blog? I have terrible hand writing. And if I wrote it down in a journal, I'd probably lose it. So I thought this would be a good place to start. I needed a quick, easy place where I could jot down thoughts and stories, which means about 85% of this will be pretty boring to someone who doesn't share my last name.
I hope you enjoy reading about our lives. I'm sure most posts will be about the kids, Nugget (1 1/2) and Strip (3 1/2). So , if you find yourself here thinking, "Why is she posting this? Who really cares what size shoe her kid is?" Remember, it's not you, it's me :-)