I had this:
My mother. Or as the kids call her, "Ma," but she will be now know as MA-gellan. The MA-gellan is a unique navigation tool. Instead of the little green line leading the way, the MA-gellan makes small talk about how bad the traffic is going the other way.
"Glad we're not going south!"
"Well, mom it's probably people going into work"
"No, it's always like this"
"No really. The last time your father and I were going this way... why were we here, I guess it was your brother's graduation or maybe his birthday, yeah, it was his birthday OH! Did I tell you where we had dinner, it was so good..... (20 minutes later) Anyway, we were driving back this way and the traffic was horrible. Always horrible southbound."
"Ok, mom. That does it."
"We are NEVER coming home to visit."
"If traffic is always this bad southbound, I will never drive home. You have only yourself to blame."
But aside from random conversation, MA-gellan also has a special alert function. Not when you need to exit, but anytime there is a change in traffic. Lane ends, traffic merge, interstate crosses, interstate splits, which as you can imagine on a 700 mile trip happens quite a few times. MA-gellan will let you know.
Sign appears that the road we are on is about to split off into a different interstate going another direction. I see this, but know we stay on this road for another state. But MA-gellan is on the case.
"oOOOOO K, let's see. What's going on here. Ok do you see that? The road is splitting. OK, what way hmmm ok, umm well.."
"We stay left MA-gellan"
"Well it looks like you have to go right in this lane. Look at the sign ok, 1,2,3 right lanes must exit right are we going right? I thought you said we stay left. What lane are we in? Is this going to make us go left we want North, is this north? That one said East, but is it really North?
"We're fine, we stay left."
"Ok, let's see umm ok oh! We stayed left in this lane! You were right! Ha!"
My MA-Gellan also has a built-in car sensor that would alert MA-gellan if you hit the rumble strip a little which would alert her to scream, "What are you doing?! Let me do that! You just drive! I can get the kids juice!"
Not the shortest trip ever.
Oh, and since this is supposed to be a kid related blog, here's a nugget from Strip.
In her previous school, there was a little girl who spoke no English. Only Spanish. I took French and Italian, so I don't know much, but I have picked up a few things thanks to my pals Manny, Dora and Diego. So I would tell Strip that "_____ is the Spanish word for _____" whenever I could.
Fast forward to the big drive. Strip would just make up random words and say, "Yeah that's the Spanish word for playing." She was always wrong, but E for Effort, right? So MA-Gellan are discussing how, once again, we stay in this lane and follow this road when Strip pipes up from the backseat, "Mommy. You are 'irritated.'" I look at Ma and we giggle, so I ask for clarification. I'm what?
"You are 'irritated.' That's the Spanish word for 'driving.'"
Well, get use to it, Strip, because Mommy is going to be irritated for about 5 more hours!