Saturday, February 20, 2010

Spaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh Day

Today was the big day! My appointment wasn't until the afternoon, so I spent a lazy morning with the kids and Hubs. After lunch, I finally took a shower and got ready to go. I am SO glad Hubs did this for me. He knows I could really use some new clothes, but specifically said in his card he wanted to get me something I'd never do for myself.

And boy was he right!

He pre-ordered my services and told me I could change it if I wanted, but figured he put the time and effort into it, I'd just stick with what he had. I get checked in, get a nice glass of water and am given a little tour of the spa. The Spa Lady shows me to the locker room, gives me my key and tells me to meet her in the Quiet Room when I was ready. There I am, in a changing room with a key, a robe and slippers. Crap, now what do I do?! Undies and robe? Just robe? Bra? No Bra? I didn't want to saunter into the QR with nothing but a robe and a smile, but I didn't want to be the only idiot with a robe draped over my cardigan and pants. I pep talked myself into the robe and wished I had a friend or two to share the experience with. Then I told myself to suck it up and enjoy. When are you EVER alone? And when is it EVER quiet? NEVER!

So with my head held high, I waltzed into the quiet room. Unfortunately, the room I wandered into was the Half-Drunk-Housewives room. There was champagne and OJ and a fruit tree and all sorts of goodies, but since my Spa Lady didn't specifically say to "Help yourself!" so I just cozied up with my water and listened to their (not quiet) conversations. I assumed they were getting ready for a wedding or something and wondered why I got shoved in this room. I then got to hear the joys of middle-aged dating. Wah hoo.

My hot stone massage gal could not have shown up at a better time. She led me back to the room, and I got ready to enjoy a 50 minute volcanic rock massage. Unfortunately, I think I have ADD which gets in the way of SPA. My mind starts to wander. 50 min. Per person. So say she works a 6 hour shift, she does at least 5 massages? I wonder how boring that is. Rub, rub, grab a rock, rub, rub grab another rock. You don't talk, so it's not like you're doing hair, so is it boring? And the lights are down awfully low. Is that so she doesn't have to really look at the ugly body parts she's smacking rocks on? Maybe it's like a dance. I wonder if this music is on a loop and it's like a choreographed dance. Like, that parts over, so now she moves on to my feet? UGH! MY FEET!! EEEK! I should have skipped the eyebrow wax this week and splurged on a pedicure. I wonder if she's ever seen an uglier toe than my left big toe. I wish I didn't have this mask on so I could have seen her face when she pulled back the sheets to reveal my piggies! Oh! Rocks between the toes. Ooh, what if my little quazimoTOE can even hold a little rock like the others. Whew! It did! Ok, really?! You are going to totally ruin this day if you keep up the inner monologue. Zip it, brain.

After that, I'm pretty sure I enjoyed the 50 minute massage. I say pretty sure because I'm pretty sure I fell asleep a few times. after I flipped over on my stomach.

When the massage was over, I was lead back to the QR which was still the HDH room. I walked in right as a girl, not in their group, graciously picked up a glass of champagne. Unfortunately, it WAS just for their group. They were nice to her face, but giggled like drunks when she left. I'm on her side. The spa ladies lead you in, there isn't a sign, why not help yourself?! Turns out they were there because their husbands and significant others were at a convention and they paid to have all the gals get spa'd for the day. Not to shabby, but KEEP IT DOWN LADIES!

Next up was my very enthusiastic facial girl. I kid you not, she squealed when I told her I had never had a facial before. After getting settled on the warm, cozy table with warm cozy sheets, she whipped out the giant mirror my dermatologist use to come at me with in high school. Accutane flashbacks!! Go to a happy place. She then starts going on and on about how great my skin looks, how great my pores are, what great care I must take of my skin. Side note: I've been looking for a great skin care line. I LOVED one I used years ago, but it's associated with a multi-leveled marketing group that I did not care to get back into. So, while shopping in Costco the other week, I noticed a Kirkland brand like that looks EXACTLY like the multi-level marketing stuff, just different color bottles. HA! Back to the facial, we chatted a bit at first, then she said the awesome phrase, "Feel free to ask any questions, but I'm just going to let you relax!" Goodnight! I quickly relaxed and dozed off after she "took care of a couple of spots" (aka popped a couple of zits I didn't even know I had!), and the next thing I knew, she was whispering in my ear that she was finished!

Whew! She lead me back to the quiet room, which was actually quiet now, and I kicked my feet up to enjoy my third glass of water. Then I headed back to the locker room to change. I was so relaxed when I left that when the light turned green and I didn't go immediately (hello? I'm afraid the other guys aren't going to stop sometimes) the older gentlemen in the gold van behind me LAID on the horn, so I just waved and pulled out. He promptly pulled up beside me as we were driving and screamed, "FEMALE DOG!" en francais, to which I replied after rolling down my window, "God bless you!!" He was so confused he almost ran off the road.

Thanks again, Hubs!

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